A few nights ago I cried myself to sleep.
I was missing my bed, missing my friends, missing the familiar people and places that make where you live your home.
When I think about it, so much of starting CGA reminds me of freshman year of college. You’re all bright eyed and eager to establish yourself, to assert to people who you are and to find a group of friends to take you in.
Me in my bright-eyed college days
Then you get there and are overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of it. The syllabi are daunting, there are so many people and questions start swirling in your head.
Do I fit in?
Can I do this?
Was this the wrong decision?
All of these thoughts have at one time or another gone though my head this past week. Those were the nights I cried myself to sleep and begged the Lord to tell me why He had me here and why I was having such a hard time accepting this new season.
And like most times I ask the Lord for answers He responds with truth that hits me like a ton of bricks. I was letting the fear of uncertainty, the fear of not being liked, and the fear of failure rule how I was thinking about CGA and all it had for me. I was choosing the fear of making mistakes over the promise that God will be glorified out any mistakes I could make. God has given me this opportunity to grow, to learn and yes, sometimes to fail and be unsure.
Instead of fear I choose to walk in confidence that this is where God has me and what I learn and the experiences I have will shape me into more of who He wants me to be.
This week as I start to dive into my classes and apprenticeship, I begin to grow more excited about all that God is going to show me in this season.
In some of my classes I’ll be learning about emotional health and identity, what it means to live a missional lifestyle, spiritual giftings, professional skills and so much more.
And in the afternoons I will be working with the Beauty for Ashes department, a great women’s ministry centered around empowering women and showing them their identity in Christ. I am so excited to be able to contribute to the Kingdom by helping this ministry who helps women all over the world realize their worth.
There may be times that I don’t know what I’m doing and times where I don’t know all the answers but I do know that God will be glorified anyway.
My family for the next few months!
